Weekend Update


November 20, 2012
Happy Birthday, Megan Linz Dickinson! 

It’s mid-way through Day 2 of back-to-back Desert Days- a most generous and observant gift from our director, Ceil, who said, “I don’t know about you, but I’m tired! So I thought we would spend two days in solitude this week, and I didn’t think you’d mind.” I don’t mind in the least. It was a busy weekend.
To recap:

Friday Film & Feast
I made 3 quiches (quiche?), which were total experiments. That is, I’ve never made quiche and the final products were an amalgamation of various recipes adapted to our ingredients and my patience. To my surprise, each one came out well and was enjoyed by all.
Asparagus & Mozzarella
Zucchini, Onion, & Mozzarella
Broccoli & Cheddar

We watched “Lars and the Real Girl” with Ryan Gosling and Emily Mortimer.


I don’t know what I was up to in late 2007 when this film came out, but it missed my radar. The brief, online description is: “A delusional young guy strikes up an unconventional relationship with a doll he finds on the internet.” But that description doesn’t begin to do justice to the film. I’ll have much more to say about it in my weekly reflection.

Saturday Supper
Eric, the Carmelite priest here, spent this past summer in Michigan while his father was dying of cancer. Friends of the community – Crestone neighbors and Sunday mass visitors- stepped up in a big way to help keep the monastery running in the absence of 1/3 of its staff. Eric’s father expressed sincere gratitude to Eric for their friends’ assistance here in Colorado and ultimately left Eric money to host a meal of thanksgiving for Nada’s community of support, which we celebrated Saturday night. The main dinner was catered by a local couple who will soon be opening a farm-to-table restaurant in town. The Carmelites and the retreatants spent the morning preparing the appetizers and desserts.
Yours truly devoted an obscene amount of time to compulsively arranging 3 meat/cheese/cracker platters that were devoured in minutes, along with the other apps. During my intensive prep, the only male retreatant, Michael, commented: “You know, people are just going to grab a cracker; they won’t notice how the tray looks.” Oh Michael. The arrangement isn’t for their acknowledgement; it’s for my own perfectionistic satisfaction! After 3 hours, it was perfect and I was satisfied. The rest of the food was amazing; and we have days of leftovers stored in the fridge. No canned veggies for me this week!
Wanting to avoid the crowd in order to actually eat (certain older people love talking to certain younger people,) I retreated to the kitchen table and sat between two gentlemen already in conversation. One, a very loud Italian in his 70s (who was really talking AT the other), lived much of his life in NoVA/DC/MD, except for his college days in Providence. We had plenty to talk about.  The other, a Jesuit priest making his own retreat here at Nada, was ordained along with my two former bosses at the Cathedral in Baltimore, a ½ mile from Loyola. We had plenty to talk about.
In all, it was a lovely celebration of life, and I went to bed very full.

Sunday Stations
Whenever Ceil returns to Crestone from their retreat house in Ireland she visits the outdoor Stations of the Cross in San Luis, the oldest town in Colorado. San Luis is about 90 minutes from Crestone, but it feels very, very close to Mexico. I’d imagine that the life-sized bronze sculptures, completed around 1990, are the primary tourist attraction for miles. (Although, we did pass the birthplace & museum of heavyweight champ, Jack Dempsey, in the town of Manassa.) I forgot my camera, but here’s a look at each station, thanks to Bob and Laura Madigan and their “RV travels across America.” I don’t know the Madigan’s, but I’m sure they won’t mind my sharing their helpful site:
Here's my favorite, the 15th Station:

We ate dinner at a Mexican restaurant (New Mexico style) in Alamosa on the way back. I think my stomach has returned to its 10 year old distaste for Mexican food, or at least for what’s served this side of the border. When one item blends into the next until the entire plate morphs into a monochromatic blob that ceases to be identifiable food, my stomach closes the door and bolts the lock. However, there’s a secret passageway for sopapillas! 

A Photo Tour of Crestone

November 17, 2012
Happy Birthday to my older and wiser sister, Kathleen Haley! Wow, 36 already?
Just to be a blessing; just to live is holy. Rabbi Abraham Heschel

As promised, here's a glimpse of the booming metropolis of Crestone, Colorado, the land of Subaru wagons. (I counted 15 on my 2 mile walk into town.) There's a bumper sticker on sale in one of the shops that aptly characterizes many of this town's residents: "Getting Spiritual in Crestone"

Here we go:
This first photo is simply to justify why I'm out of breath before completing a 5 minute walk. 
8000 ft is no joke.


If you ever find yourself in Crestone unexpectedly and unprepared, have no fear. This handy information center can tell you everything you need to know. And I don't doubt that those two walls pretty much sum it up. 



The first business to greet you as you enter town is the Elephant Cloud Tea Shop. In addition to tea, they seem to also specialize in fresh organic produce, local honey, and Zumba classes. 


Located right next door is the famous, I mean WORLD FAMOUS Crestone Freebox. You'll find clothes, books, household appliances, and more in this open air Buddhist market.


Next is the Crestone Creative Trade Co. Sounds cool, right? I venture inside, hoping to find a souvenir or two. 


Clearly I missed the sandwich board listing their specialties. None of which I needed that particular day.


Across the way is Curt's Old Country Store & Cafe. This is the mini-Whole Foods where I picked up some "necessities" after first arriving to Nada. I've since met Curt and his wife, Bernadette. They're a beautiful couple of 43 years who are devoted friends of the Carmelite community- even to the point of following them  from Sedona to Crestone many years ago. Unfortunately, a larger all-purpose grocery store moved in down the street and Curt is preparing for his store to soon close. 


Across from Curt's is the Bliss Cafe. 
You're getting hungry...very hungry. 
Maybe, but who knows what those cooks have been smoking!



 And then there's....


No, I didn't slip in a picture from Bolivia. 
This is still Crestone- a place where you're not at all surprised to see a llama tied to a fence post. 

After my 7 minute stroll around town- literally- I stopped in the Shambala Cafe for a hot coffee before returning to Nada.


Inside there's a typical looking community board. Typical of Crestone, that is. 
Need a goat for $200?
Need someone to take books off top shelves? 


The walk back to Nada always seems faster on the way out town. Maybe it's because I'm running. 






The Gift of Music, Part Two

November 16, 2012
Special shout-out to the Loyola delegation and other Jesuit friends beginning the Ignatian Family Teach-In for Justice in Arlington, VA today!

Well, my song-of-the-day efforts failed after two. So for those who are interested, here is the full playlist from my lovely Loyola students, with lines particularly poignant to me in italics. (See original post "The Gift of Music" if you're confused.)

“My Girl”, the Temptations. Thanks, Stef Mule!
I don’t need no money, fortune, or fame. I’ve got all the riches one (woman) can claim.
“Today My Life Begins”, Bruno Mars. Thanks, Ryan Kearns!
A whole new world is waiting. It’s mine for the taking.
“Who I Am”, Jessica Andrews. Thanks, Laura McCormack!
Sometimes I’m clueless and I’m clumsy, but I’ve got friends that love me. They know just where I stand.
“Human”, Natalie Grant. Thanks, Meghan McHale!
Every life has a choice to rise up and fill the void.
“Dancing in the Moonlight”, King Harvest. Thanks, Katie Joumas!
We get it almost every night when that moon is big and bright. It’s a supernatural delight.
“I Choose”, India Arie. Thanks, Kristin Witte!
I’m dropping these bags, I’m making room for my joy. And I choose to be the best that I can be.
“Into the West”, from Lord of the Rings. Thanks, Kevin Harrington!
“You’ve Got a Friend”, James Taylor. Thanks Chris DelBello!
They'll take your soul if you let them, but don't you let them.
“Awake My Soul”, Mumford & Sons. Thanks Claire Cummings!
Where you invest your love, you invest your life.
“Man in the Mirror”, Michael. Thanks Chrissy Anastasio!
If you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and then make a change.
“Sweet Serendipity”, Lee DeWyze. Thanks, Ed Ortiz!
I don't want to hold on; I want the strength to let go.
“A Beautiful Day”, India Arie. Thanks, Christina Fahey!
I wonder how life will surprise me today.
You can still smell the roses and be on a mission!
“The Winner Is”, Devotchka. Thanks again, Christina!
Just ask and you'll receive beyond your wildest dreams.
“Greatest Love of All”, Whitney. Thanks, Vanessa Gailius!
If I fail, if I succeed- at least I’ll live as I believe.
“Wherever You Go”, Audrey Assad. Thanks, Jen Bishop!
All that you see her you'll soon leave behind; so open your hands and look into my eyes.
“Below My Feet”, Mumford & Sons. Thanks, Jimmy Coughlin!
Let me learn from where I have been. Keep my eyes to serve, my hands to learn.
“For Good”, from Wicked. Thanks, Kelli Alberici!
So much of me is made from what I learned from you. 
“If I Ever Leave This World Alive”, Flogging Molly. Thanks, Laura Biesiadecki!
Wherever I am you'll always be.
“Send Me On My Way”, Rusted Root. (My prom song from 1996. Apparently now a classic.) Thanks, Jonathan Pennachia & Tommy O’Donnell!

And a few from the 17 song c.d. made by Kristen McNeil. Thank you Kristen!
"Follow You Into the Dark", Mumford & Sons
If there's no one beside you when your soul embarks, then I'll follow you into the dark.
"Beautiful", L2
You never know what you have until it's gone.
"Someday", Rob Thomas
Maybe, someday, we'll live our lives out loud.
"Things That Matter", Rascal Flatts
You don't wanna leave this world with "Why didn't I...?"

The Return of My Tormentors

November 15, 2012
Happy Birthday, Patrick T. Range! (Now, skip around the room!)

As for me, I have been going to bed at dark. If I put the reading lamp on, the little porch where I sleep swarms with all kinds of insects that fly in your eyes, your hair, your nose, your ears, and then in your mouth if you leave it open. I have been pestered with all kinds of insects. Dorothy Day

Would I prefer insects to mice? Probably. Though Dorothy likely dealt with both, given her life in the shabby Catholic Worker tenements in lower Manhattan, as well as on the farms. And the mice must have been so commonplace- so much a part of her daily life- that they never commanded enough attention to be spoken of in her writings.

Well, I’m no Dorothy Day, so brace yourselves. I have zero tolerance for mice. “Oh, but they’re cute and harmless!” Wrong and wrong. Encounter a dead mouse caught in a trap and tell me that’s cute. Examine what they leave behind and try to convince me that’s harmless. They are germ-carrying menaces and I want nothing to do with them, especially in what was to be a 5-week sanctuary. But alas, mice have become such a part of my daily life here at Nada, and try as I might, they cannot escape my attention. Over the last 10 days their presence has grown from faint scratching behind the walls to frighteningly-close squeaking. All too familiar noises.

You see, it wasn’t so long ago that these creatures first tormented me. (Summer 2011: Campion Towers, Loyola University Maryland.) I swear on all that is good that I nearly went mad in my vigilance that summer. It would be better for everyone if I do not reach that place- so far from sanity- again.

When I mentioned my observation of the mice in the walls, Thomas, the Tennessee-born Carmelite brother here, said proudly, “I’ve already caught 8 in my first week here!” Though he offered to set up traps for me last week (and collect what was trapped,) I declined. My theory was that they seemed to be content within the walls and may just stay there. Enticing them out of the walls with peanut butter would make certain that our paths would cross. I would deal with the eerie scratching as long as a wooden barrier remained between us.

However, yesterday’s squeaking has brought this situation to a whole new level. They have crossed the barrier. It’s like Summer ’11 all over again. And I’m quite certain some symptoms of post-traumatic stress are emerging.

The main problem- even beyond disease- is sleep. It’s been a long while since I slept soundly, as I did my second blessed night here (the night after the coyote call.) It’s not that the scratching is so loud that it keeps me awake; it’s that the scratching keeps my imagination running wild with horrid scenarios sure to plague me after my eyes close. 

So, I’ve developed new theories for sounder sleep over the last week:
1. Keep all the lights on all night. Mice will avoid light.

When that felt too wasteful (and counterproductive to my effort to fall asleep):
2.  Keep only the bedside light on all night. I’m pretty sure mice will avoid light.

When that caused me to wake up repeatedly still, only to be reminded instantly of why the light was on:
3.  Keep the bathroom fan on to drown out the scratching noise. I’m not so sure mice will necessarily avoid light.

When the power went out and back on again during the night, twice, causing me to awaken at the sudden noise and be reminded instantly of why I had turned the fan on:
4. Write about my night terrors and plead for better theories. 

Domestication

November 14, 2012
Happy Birthday, Pedro Arrupe, S.J. (Former Superior General of the Society of Jesus)

Nothing is more practical than finding God; that is, than falling in love in a quite absolute, final way. What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination, will affect everything.
It will decide what will get you out of bed in the morning, what you will do with your evenings, how you will spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude. 
Fall in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything. Pedro Arrupe

Yesterday for lunch (and dinner, and lunch, and dinner, and probably lunch again) I made what I call the “Everything But the Kitchen Sink” Soup. Convenient, since I don’t actually have a kitchen sink. I’m sure you’ve made a similar one-pot concoction at desperate times. Its contents, in order of their addition: carrot, onion, celery, chicken broth, quinoa, white beans, peas & green beans (which I’m pretending were not poured out from cans,) mushrooms, and spinach.

Voila! 

You know, this is essentially the secret to Atwater’s success (my favorite Baltimore eatery.) Whatever they’ve got in stock that day gets turned into soup and sold for $4 a cup. (Of course, they wouldn’t dare put canned anything in their creations.) At that rate my Kitchen Sink soup could have racked up an easy $24! I’d probably need a more appealing name, though.

Making this "just throw in whatever" dish was a bit of a break-through for me. I tend to be a slave to recipes (the rule-follower half of me, which trades face time with the rebel half of me.) That has certainly helped me develop my baking skills for sure, but limited my general cooking skills. You have to be willing to bend the rules- and make up your own- if you want to be a great chef. Now, this soup is far from great chef material; but my ability to forego a plan and just go with the flow is a big step for me!

After lunchtime I intended to drop my veggie scraps into the compost bin, but saw that it was occupied:

 
That evening many of my companions here headed to the local ashram for Diwali, the annual Hindu Festival of Lights. The festival is outside. It’s like 30 degrees here. No offense.

As they departed I noticed a bunch of black bananas on the countertop- a thing of beauty to a baker’s eyes. I was delighted to see that Nada’s cookbook collection contained The Tassajara Bread Book. I glanced at this 1970-era gem at my sister’s house recently and made a mental note to spend more time with it one day.

This is a fairly typical banana bread recipe, as those without white sugar go; but as a whole, the book is a valuable tutorial for the novice bread-maker.

Banana Nut Bread
Makes 1 large loaf

2 cups whole wheat flour (I used 1 cup whole wheat, 1 cup white for the sake of the crowd)
1 t baking soda
½ cup oil
½ cup honey
1 grated lemon rind (didn’t have lemon rind)
2 beaten eggs
2 cups ripe banana pulp (I used 4 small bananas)
½ t salt
½ cup chopped nuts (omitted these for the nut-allergy here)
½ cup raisins, optional (also omitted these; I’ve never in my life put raisins in banana bread.)

Sift together flour and baking soda. Blend oil, honey and lemon rind until nearly smooth. Beat in eggs. Add sifted ingredients in three parts alternately with banana pulp, beating until smooth after each addition. Fold in chopped nuts. Place in greased loaf pan. Bake for 50 minutes at 350 or until toothpick comes out clean. Cool for five minutes and then remove from pan onto cooling rack. 

Be Here Now

November 13, 2012


Outside is unbelievably beautiful, with the snow-covered fields and hillsides, the green pines and the red roads showing through the snow. But one does not take much time to contemplate this beauty. Dorothy Day 

It was a beautiful day in the Valley yesterday. Bright sun. Crisp air. Snow-capped mountains. 


But all I wanted to do was read Mary Oliver and John O’Donohue. I wait all week for the endless opportunities of Monday Desert Day’s and there I was sitting in the dark library, subjecting myself to the distractions of community members milling around, in order to read just one more of these poets’ brilliant observations of the natural world.

You would have noted the irony before I did, no doubt. But, thankfully, it finally did occur to me that I could be making my own brilliant observations of the natural world in this very moment!

And so, I headed out on foot toward town. (Coming Attraction: A photo tour of the infamous Town of Crestone, with commentary, of course.)

Shortly into my walk up Rendezvous Way I spotted a fox step onto the path about 50 yards ahead. It spotted me too (or heard my boots crunching on the gravel path) and looked behind. We both stared at one another in total stillness. I don’t know which one was more frightened by the other’s presence, but I can attest to my own rapid heart rate. (Have I lived too long in the city?) 

Mary Oliver has a great respect for the fox, as she does all of nature's inhabitants. Yet, she admits, "they are neither adorable, or charming, or cute." The young foxes "chew bones and sticks, and each other. They growl. They play with feathers. They fight over food, and the strongest eats more and more often than the weakest. They have neither mercy nor pity. They have one responsibility- to stay alive, if they can, and be foxes. They grow powerful, and thin, and more and more toothy, and more and more alert." Blue Pastures 

Graciously, I waited for the fox to continue on before I took another step. It did, only to stop again after a few feet at the sound of my footsteps to note my location.  We’d begin our staring contest again, I’d win, again, and the fox would continue on. After a few rounds of this dance, the path curved and it was out of sight. I decided taking an immediate left onto Chaparral Way would make for a much more “scenic” walk.

It’s gotten much colder since my earlier walks around the Valley- my pace was now quickened to keep warm and my vision narrowed with the addition of a hood. In my mind swam drafts of journal entries and blog posts, revisions of conversations past, and lists of books waiting for my return. There could have been a dozen foxes surrounding me and I wouldn’t have noticed.

And then, I looked up and saw it.


 What do you see? The mountains in the distance? The landscape's gentle flow of color?

Here’s what I saw:


How funny. Is a stop sign really necessary at the intersection of Chaparral & Rendezvous, I thought? And one in each direction, no less! I’ve yet to encounter a single car during my walks on those gravel paths; and the chance meeting of two cars at that intersection would be a rare sight to see. No, I decide. One, let alone two stop signs are not at all necessary at this juncture.

And then I thought, maybe the sign isn’t there for the cars.

Maybe it’s there for the pedestrian distracted by her thoughts- of things to come and things gone by.

Maybe, in the tiniest of print, it’s saying:

STOP. Be present. Look around at what’s here, what’s now.

I’m a pretty adaptable person- maybe the result (or the cause) of my many moves. And this adaptability is a pretty helpful quality for navigating life’s twists and turns.

But there’s a downside.

It’s amazing how quickly I’ve adapted to this place. This enormous, pristine, glorious place. Somehow, in the course of 12 short days, it’s gone from breath-taking to almost banal. And now, if- as I walk from building to building- I notice the mountains ahead of me, I certainly don't appreciate their presence.

Yes, I decide. The stop sign is entirely necessary. Without it, I would be in serious danger.

When the world going on inside our heads becomes more real than the world outside, we have problems. Eric Haarer, Nada Carmelite

Veterans Day

November 12, 2012

A Prayer for Veterans

You who left behind home and health, 
loved ones and leisure, 
work and weekends, 
school and security:
May the life you once knew welcome you back with out-stretched arms;

You who offered yourself as ambassador for your country’s masses:
May they return to you that which was once yours: 
a dwelling place to sleep in safe solitude, 
a job to afford a life of dignity and sustainability, 
health care to heal the wounds of battle, 
community to give and receive human affection;

You who developed lives and destroyed others:
May the memory of your good works bring you consolation 
as the rest fades quickly into history’s cloudy abyss;

You who returned home bruised and broken as conflict abroad rages on:
May your scarred self bear witness to the foolishness of war 
for those unscathed citizens and commanders;

You who served the war on terror and, in return, carried home terror in your heart:
May God’s great tenderness grant you everlasting peace, 
in mind, body, and spirit.

Amen. 

How to Spend an Afternoon

November 11, 2012

We make our own bread, from good whole-wheat flour, and I am very proud of mine, made according to an English recipe with only one rising; so short in time and easy to make. You  just knead your ingredients together- flour, salt, lard, sugar, yeast, and water- and make the dough stiff enough so that you can pat it down into loaves with well-floured hands, put it in the pans, let rise for half an hour, and then bake for an hour. It can be done of an evening, or before breakfast. It certainly is good to eat with a bit of onion - a poor man's feast. Dorothy Day

Ceil gave us a bread-baking lesson yesterday. I think I was the only one of the five with much experience baking bread; but we were making cinnamon rolls for Sunday breakfast, which would be new to me, too. Although my list of uses for cinnamon is long, my patience with the lengthy recipe is short. But, now that it’s all said and done, it actually wasn’t as taxing a process as my years of avoidance would suggest.  The thing about baking is that it is time-consuming, yes, but not energy-consuming. A good chunk of the process is rising time, which is the perfect time to pick up a good book!

So don’t be deterred by the length of this recipe. Like many things in life, you must approach bread-baking with loving desire. If you don’t want to spend an entire afternoon creating something, then you won’t enjoy this. But, if you’re willing to make the commitment, the reward will be great!

So day I'll try to recreate the bread Dorothy was proud of. But for now, let them eat cinnamon rolls! 

Cinnamon Rolls, from Better Home’s & Gardens. Copyright 1973!
Makes 24

In a large mixing bowl combine:
2 cups all-purpose flour and 1 package (1 T) active dry yeast.
Heat & stir:
1 cup milk, ¼ cup sugar, ¼ cup shortening (I used butter), and 1 t salt til warm (not hot or you’ll kill the yeast.)
Add wet mixture to dry mixture along with 2 eggs.


Beat at low speed for 30 seconds, scraping the bowl and then beat for 3 minutes at high speed. (Or get an upper arm workout and whip, whip, whip with a wooden spoon for several minutes until you can see air bubbles.)

Stir in 1 ½ - 2 cups flour to make a stiff dough.
Knead on a lightly floured surface until smooth, 8-10 minutes (or until your arms ache and you want to give up, like me.) Pause mid-way for a rest and a photo op.


Shape into a ball. Place in a bowl with some oil and roll it around to coat entirely.


Cover with a towel and let rise until doubled in a warm place, at least an hour. (I typically put the dough in the oven after it’s been heated to low and then turned off. Our countertops worked just fine today because the rooms are warm. You can also let the dough rise overnight in the fridge.)

Punch down dough and divide in half. Cover halves and let rest 10 minutes. (We skipped the resting part.)

Roll each half into a 12x8 rectangle.
Brush each half with melted butter (about ¼ cup total.)
Sprinkle about ½ cup of sugar over both halves along with 2 T cinnamon (I used more like 4. See earlier post for my opinion on cinnamon.)
Sprinkle with whatever else you’d like. Raisins, nuts, cranberries, whatever. (That’s my instruction.)


Roll up each piece from the long side; seal the seams tightly, water helps.
Slice each log into 12 rolls (more if you want smaller rolls; less if you want Cinnabon artery-clogging size.)


Place rolls in greased pans. (It’s fine if they touch.)
Cover and let rise until doubled, about 30 minutes. (We put ours in the fridge overnight at this stage.)
Bake at 375 for 18-20 minutes.
Drizzle with a milk/powered sugar icing, if desired, while still warm. Enjoy!




Song for the day:
“Today My Life Begins”, Bruno Mars
A whole new world is waiting. It's mine for the taking.
Thanks, Ryan Kearns!

The Gift of Music

November 10, 2012

This morning to ward off noise I have my radio on – Berlioz, Schubert, Chopin, etc. It is not a distraction; it is a pacifier. As St. Teresa of Avila said as she grabbed her castanets and started to dance during the hour of recreation in her unheated convent, “One must do something to make life bearable!” Dorothy Day

Something very special happened this morning.

I had about an hour to spend in my hermitage in between activities, which I’d normally use to catch up on reading. But have you ever felt that the only thing missing from a room was music? I have no problem with silence; in fact, I crave silence. But this particular silence was waiting to be brought to life. 

I turned on the radio and immediately remembered the limited options available to those of us in the middle of the desert. And then my eye caught the c.d. Loyola students made me for my trip west. The original plan was to drive from Virginia to Colorado; so in their thoughtfulness, they wanted to equip me with jams for the journey. I’d been saving the c.d. - as I do with new shirts and nice candles- for just the right moment. Well, that moment had arrived.

I really can’t describe the joy this music brought to my day, my week, my emotional space. One song after another, especially chosen by one loving soul after another, and each with a reason for its addition to this compilation.

And so, I did what any other rational person in the middle of nowhere with no one watching would do. I had a dance party. In my kitchen/living room/office/bedroom. A party for one, of course; but you would have joined in too, if you were there. That’s how powerful this c.d. was in that moment.

(That, on top of vacuuming the library this morning with a Eureka made of iron, was more exercise than I’ve had since my last fateful run with Back on My Feet on October 24th.)

I’d like to share their brilliant selections with you, day by day. 
Go ahead. Dance.

“My Girl”, The Temptations 
I don’t need no money, fortune, or fame. I’ve got all the riches one (woman) can claim. 
Thanks, Stef Mule!






Friday Film & Fire


November 9, 2012

Let me, if I may, be ever welcomed to my room in winter by a glowing hearth, in summer by a vase of flowers; if I may not, let me then think how nice they would be, and bury myself in my work. I do not think that the road to contentment lies in despising what we have not got. Let us acknowledge all good, all delight that the world holds, and be content without it. George MacDonald

Friday nights are movie nights around here. This week’s selection: the Swedish film, As It Is In Heaven. Along the continuum of “choir director turns mess into music” movies, it’s on the opposite end of Sister Act. (Sorry, Diane.) Heavy, but worth it.  Here’s the tear-jerking climax:  Gabriella’s Song  

Afterward I returned to a very chilly cabin. So, I attempted to make my first fire. And by first I really mean first. Ever. In my life. 

In my defense, I’ve never had a fireplace, and we weren’t taught about fires in Girl Scouts. Unlike my Boy Scout-cousins. No gender bias there, though. I suppose the 9-year-old Girls were too busy learning about birth control to mess with fires, right St. Tim’s? (FYI)        

Anyway, I’d been avoiding the wood stove since arriving 9 days ago, which wasn’t much of a feat; the passive solar heating does its job quite well. In fact, if I stay inside during a sunny afternoon without an open window, I get a bit loopy! But today was not one of those sunny afternoons:

.
So, the time had come to experiment with fire. And it was a beautiful and warm fire, indeed.



For about 15 minutes.

And then it was out.

Did I do something wrong?

What makes this little incident even more pathetic is that the fire was built when I arrived. All I had to do was light the kindling, and clearly I failed in that simple task.

Help! 

Reflection on Week One


Ceil- our program director of sorts- asked us to complete weekly reflections on our experiences here. To those out there wanting a deeper glimpse into my sordid mind, this is for you. (Two disclaimers: one paragraph will sound familiar from an earlier post; and, this was written 1 week ago, so stay tuned for more recent thoughts in my next reflection.) 

In one way or another, I’ve looked forward to this experience since learning of it months ago, even when I had yet to be accepted! And probably like all things in life, our imagination runs wild in the face of the unknown. When that unknown is potentially negative, we imagine the worst-case scenario; when the unknown is potentially positive, we imagine the best-case. I believe this is why humans are capable of taking vows. Engaged couples imagine a happily-ever-after life together; if they were to imagine the reality, many probably would stick with the single life! It’s romanticism writ large.

And so it was with my journey to Nada. I imagined a utopia of sorts, from my perspective of the ideal. Time, for one. Time to spend as I chose, preferably reading, journaling, letter-writing, walking, studying Spanish, and sleeping.

Secondly, comfort, though admittedly my imagination hadn’t actually conceived of what that comfort would include; I could only feel it, and it felt easy and effortless- eating, sleeping, moving from one activity to the next, comfortably.

And desire- a true wanting to do the things that would fill up my days here. Prayer, work, community building, activities I had brought from home.

That’s how these 5 weeks would go: limitless time to comfortably do the things I’d desired to do.
Unlike a typical marriage, though, I seemed to have skipped the honeymoon period. My utopia wasn’t here when I arrived on November 1st and will likely not appear before December 5th!

My heart sank a bit when Ceil ushered me into my hermitage. I flashed back to the moment my family left me in my freshman dorm on that first day of college many years ago, and to my first days in Bolivia last summer. Of course I wanted to be there, but it didn’t feel how I imagined it would. Instead of comfortable solitude, it felt unromantically lonely. It took less than a minute for me to pull out my phone and text a friend, even though I told myself that texting wouldn’t be part of this experience. But I needed a familiar connection to make this cabin feel more comfortable. Soon other discomforts would arise. The desert doesn’t comfort like the ocean. The pantry staples don’t look like my kitchen. The bed doesn’t feel like my bed. The shower doesn’t heat like my shower. And now, the mice have arrived to disturb my night’s rest.

Thank God for Desert Days! Until today, I began to wonder if I’d ever have time to do the things I’d planned to do during these 5 weeks. I hadn’t expected to feel busy here; in fact, I came here to escape busyness! But that’s how the first 4 days felt at Nada. I must have been naïve to imagine it any differently.
And to imagine that every piece of every day here would meet all my desires. That the entirety of contemplative life would fill me with delight. And yet, very little feels desirable now that I’m here. Even prayer is leaving my mind & heart as dry as my sinuses. The activities I eagerly stored away for weeks to do at Nada haven’t been touched. To be clear, I’m not feeling unhappy, just lacking desire to engage.

To be fair, my baggage included not just shirts and socks, but symptoms of full-on burnout. This sense of lacking desire, time, and comfort wasn’t waiting for me at Nada, but rather arrived with me. But in my romanticized vision of Nada, this lacking would instantly be filled by the beauty, and grace, and rhythm of the hermitage.

But alas, utopia was not to be at Nada. Nor were my inflated imaginations. Reality feels much more real. And it’s here to stay, for 5 weeks.

So, what to do? It’s my nature to seek out change, to fix situations that are askew, to improve things that aren’t quite perfect. Many of my romanticized images involved the daily practices I would cultivate during this experience, in that quest for perfection, I suppose. But I hadn’t considered the very necessary spiritual practice of adaptation. Flexibility. Conforming to what is rather than fighting to change it. And receiving the grace that comes with resisting rigidity. That does not come easily to me, a born agitator. But with age comes wisdom, and I’m learning the hard way that some conformity is sometimes the better of the options.

So, since I can’t avoid eating, showering, or sleeping for 5 weeks, and I can’t recreate my home-version of those experiences in my hermitage, I’ll need to practice intentional conformity and surprise myself with my ability to carry on unscathed.

Since I can’t change the program’s schedule to fit my personal clock, I must practice intentional conformity and notice how another’s prescription might teach and transform me.

Since I can’t fabricate desire for my daily activities, I will practice intentional conformity and discover how the Spirit creates something out of nothing when I simply show up.

And so, the grace of this first week is this insight: romance gets us to the altar, but the real work begins after the vows.

Happy Birthday, Dorothy

Dorothy Day's life began on November 8, 1897. Here's a bit of that life's impact from those who knew her well. 

It was not what Dorothy Day wrote that was extraordinary, nor even what she believed, but the fact that there was absolutely no distinction between what she believed, what she wrote, and the manner in which she lived. Robert Ellsberg

I remember sitting in that dingy hall and saying to myself, 'This woman is getting a lot of fun out of life and I would like to get some of that for myself, so maybe I'd better try the same kind of life.' As much as anything it was a quality of humor and laughter, but with a deeper base than you might expect from a good comedian. It was a humor and laughter that seemed to reach down to the secret, hidden places of the soul, promising at any minute to explain the mysteries of life and human striving. John Cort

Without Dorothy, without that exemplary patience, courage, moral modesty, without this woman pounding at the locked door behind which the powerful mock the powerless with games of triage, without her, the resistance we offered would have been simply unthinkable. She urged our consciences off the beaten track; she made the impossible (in our case) probable and then actual. She did this first of all by living as though the Truth were true. Daniel Berrigan, S.J. 



Books, Glorious Books!

November 8, 2012
Happy Birthday, Phil Kane!

Baron Von Hugel used to say that every morning as he made his plans for the day, he used to draw up a schedule of work to be done, and then cut half of it out. I should do the same about reading- draw up a list of books to be read, and then cut half of them out. Dorothy Day


It's Thursday, which for us means fun in the library! It's pretty monotonous work, which is just fine once in awhile, right? It's actually quite meditative. Under Fr. Eric's management (who's proving to be the best kind of boss there is: clear directions, reasonable expectations), the five of us each take a section (Fiction, Non-Fiction, Social Commentary, Poetry, Nature, etc. etc. etc.) to "clean up" by alphabetizing, and recategorizing and labeling, if necessary. Simple enough.


Here's the hard part. As I (and the others, I imagine) scan each section, inevitably I come across at least 3 or 4 must-reads. It's a problem. Already I needed an extra bag to pack the 12 or so "must-reads" I brought here... which have yet to be touched! It's not a lack of desire, just time. 

And the real trouble is that this particular library, with its 3000 or so volumes, looks a lot like a regular library  but with all the junk skimmed out. Pretty much everything is enticing! (Well, maybe not the Church History section.) There's even a Children's Lit section, which may be the best of all. I mean, who wouldn't be tempted to reread The Velveteen Rabbit if you had it at your fingertips? 

You readers out there know my dilemma, I'm sure.

And so, I returned to my hermitage today with another stack, only to be added to the pile already patiently waiting for my attention. Let's see: 4 weeks to go...is a book a day too optimistic?


The Day After Election Day

November 7, 2012

Phew! That's all I'm going to say about yesterday.

I was assigned to cook community dinner tonight along with Annie (who, by the way, spent a year in BC's School of Social Work after I graduated and is 1 degree of separation from my very dear friend, Scott. The world is oh so small.)

Annie selected two recipes from the Mennonite cookbook, More-With-Less, which you can find at your local Ten Thousand Villages store :) Even with tripled measurements and high altitude adjustments, these came out tasteful and filling!


Baked Lentils with Cheese
Serves 6-8
Preheat oven to 375. Combine in a 9x13 baking dish:
2 cups lentils, rinsed (and I suggest soaked for a couple of hours as well)
2 cups water
1 bay leaf
2 t. salt
1/4 t. pepper
1/8 t. each of marjoram, sage, and thyme
2 onions chopped (or less if you'd like)
2 cloves garlic, minced
2 cups canned tomatoes
Cover tightly and bake for 30 minutes. (Note, we put all the ingredients in at once and it was just as good.)
Uncover and stir in:
2 large carrots, sliced 1/8" thick
1/2 c. thinly sliced celery
Bake covered 40 minutes until vegetables are tender.
Stir in:
1 green pepper, chopped (we subbed in zucchini)
2 T. finely chopped parsely
Sprinkle on top:
3 cups shredded cheddar cheese
Bake, uncovered, 5 minutes until cheese melts. 

Dutch Apple Bread
Makes 1 loaf
Preheat oven to 350. Cream together:
1/2 cup softened butter
1 cup sugar
Add and beat well:
2 eggs
1 t. vanilla
Combine separately:
2 cups flour
1 t. baking soda
1/2 t. salt
Add dry ingredients alternately with:
1/3 cup buttermilk/sour milk/orange juice
Fold in:
1 cup chopped apples
1/3 cup chopped walnuts (we didn't use nuts. I think raisins would be good too.)
Bake in greased 9 x 5 loaf pan for 55 minutes or until a toothpick inserted comes out clean. 

Election Day

November 6, 2012

Our problems stem from our acceptance of this filthy, rotten system. Dorothy Day

It's been a great gift to avoid this last week of SuperPAC commercials, campaign phone calls, and media obsession at the expense of more critical news. (Isn't there still a war going on in Syria??) Yet, I impulsively turned on NPR this morning to hear the beginning of election day coverage, not that there's any election news to report at that hour. But my anxiety got the best of me, and my fingernails have suffered all day because of that election anxiety.

Despite his many flaws, I have my hopes set in one direction, of course. And I hope to wake up in the morning to the news of his victory.

More importantly, there are some significant human rights issues at stake on several state ballots today, including Maryland. Those results will change things for our neighbors, coworkers, and friends of friends; so let's hope and pray that people (especially Catholics!) are taking their responsibility to be faithful citizens seriously today, voting with consciences directed toward the dignity of every person, especially those on the margins.